The Adventures of Robbie Mac: August 2008

Dumbass vs Mother Nature

So a kite surfer in Florida thinks a hurricane is a good time to go out. Sure hope it wasn't a rental.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/weather/2008/08/19/florida.kite.boarder.wfor

I don't think this was the plan she had in mind...

Naked woman allegedly threw feces at cops

CHATSWORTH, Ont. - An 18-year-old woman from Guelph, Ont., is facing charges after she allegedly stripped naked on a highway, ran into a cow pasture and threw mud and feces at police officers.
The alleged incident occurred after police responded to a car crash on Highway 21 west of Owen Sound, Ont., on Sunday.
An officer tried to help an injured woman who exited the car, but police say she began acting irrationally.
Police say the woman smeared blood on the officer and then burned herself when she mounted a motorcycle belonging to someone who had also stopped to help.
The woman then allegedly took off her clothes and shoes and ran into a nearby cow pasture, where she spit at pursuing officers and flung mud and feces at them before being restrained.
One officer suffered minor scratches and abrasions.
An investigation showed the woman's vehicle had been involved in two separate fail to remain collisions earlier that day.
The suspect was taken into custody and transported to Grey Bruce Regional Health Centre for assessment.

Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy

The Wisdom Of Larry the Cable Guy......

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound.. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates;?it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your?ass tomorrow

There's no place like home

Here's an article that opens your eyes to why the tourists come HERE.

Neil's coming in November

"You know, the difference between the greatness of Bruce Springsteen and that of Neil Young as someone once explained to me back in college: Bruce makes you think you, too, can be as great as he is; Neil makes you think he is really no better than you are to begin with. Remember that."Dr. Eric Alterman - Altercation

Strong rumours abound that Neil Young will play the Metro Centre on 11/29

Happy Birthday to me! Opening will be Wilco who were here a while back. The fact that I'm seeing Neil in a month at Farm Aid is a bonus too! He'll be plugged in here though....

Tough Cuts to the Music Business

The music business is changing everyday, gone are CD's, commercial radio is a mess and now with travel costs touring is drying up.

Artists need to spread their message and for once I hate to say it but the internet isn't everything.

Many local artists have built their reputations on relentless touring and great live shows. Those shows also draw tourists to our region. Look at the Celtic Colours Festival and the attendees that come from the World over. Music is such a big part of our culture that we share globally.

Shame shame.

EVER FORWARD
Mood of the moment ~ Full of a great lunch
Tune of the moment ~ Christmas in Washington - Steve Earle
What's for supper ~ Likely still stuffed

Just in from the HR Department

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management