Best live music site I've ever found. EVER that's right ever!

http://concerts.wolfgangsvault.com

Then clear your month, you'll be busy

5 Drinking Stories That Put Yours To Shame

5 Drinking Stories That Put Yours To Shame by the mag - December 18, 2007 - 3:10 PM
by Ian Lendler

Turns out, the best drinking stories in history are actually, well, historical. So raise a glass to your forefathers and marvel at these tales.

1. Admiral Edward Russell’s 17th-Century Throwdown
Think you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect on what that truly means.The record for history’s largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer’s party that employed a garden’s fountain as the punch bowl.The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests’ cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.
The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn’t end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

2. The London Brew-nami of 1814
The Industrial Revolution wasn’t all steam engines and textile mills. Beer production increased exponentially, as well. Fortunately, the good people of England were up to the challenge and drained kegs as fast as they were made. Brewery owners became known as “beer barons,” and they spent their newfound wealth in an age-old manner — by trying to party more than the next guy.
Case in point: In 1814, Meux’s Horse Shoe Brewery in London constructed a brewing vat that was 22 feet tall and 60 feet in diameter, with an interior big enough to seat 200 for dinner — which is exactly how its completion was celebrated. (Why 200? Because a rival had built a vat that seated 100, of course.)
After the dinner, the vat was filled to its 4,000-barrel capacity. Pretty impressive, given the grand scale of the project, but pretty unfortunate given that they overlooked a faulty supporting hoop. Yup, the vat ruptured, causing other vats to break, and the resulting commotion was heard up to 5 miles away.
A wall of 1.3 million gallons of dark beer washed down the street, caving in two buildings and killing nine people by means of “drowning, injury, poisoning by the porter fumes, or drunkenness.”
The story gets even more unbelievable, though. Rescue attempts were blocked and delayed by the thousands who flocked to the area to drink directly off the road. And when survivors were finally brought to the hospital, the other patients became convinced from the smell that the hospital was serving beer to every ward except theirs. A riot broke out, and even more people were left injured.
Sadly, this incident was not deemed tragic enough at the time to merit an annual memorial service and/or reenactment.

3. New York State of Mind: The Dutch Ingratiate Themselves to the Natives
In 1609, the Dutch sent English explorer Henry Hudson westward for a third attempt at finding the fabled Northeast Passage. A near mutiny forced him southward, and upon reaching land, he encountered members of the Delaware Indian tribe.
To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief, who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred to the island as Manahachtanienk — literally, “The High Island.”
And not “high” as in “tall;” high as in “the place where we got blotto.” Most people would agree that Manhattan has stayed true to the spirit of its name ever since.

4. The D.U.I. That Roused a Nation: Paul Revere’s Medford Pre-Party
The key to a good drinking story is not really how much you consumed, but what kind of idiocy you engaged in afterwards. Idiocy like, say, sparking a war.Turns out, Paul Revere’s famous ride didn’t start out as a hootin’ hollerin’ wake-up-the-villagers sort of trip. According to historian Charles Taussig, Revere embarked on the stealth mission from Charlestown to Lexington in order to warn Sam Adams (the beer guy) and John Hancock (the big signature guy) that the British were coming. But by chance, his route took him through Medford—the rum capital of America. At the time, rum was colonial America’s number one commercial industry. So naturally, Revere stopped in for a brief rest at the house of Captain Isaac Hall, the leader of the local Minutemen and distiller of Old Medford Rum.By the time Revere saddled up again, he’d sampled his fair share of Captain Hall’s hospitality and “he who came a silent horseman, departed a virile and vociferous crusader, with a cry of defiance and not of fear.” Not surprisingly, Revere was “pulled over” by the authorities (Redcoats) and detained for an hour before being released. So, it was actually Revere’s drunken caterwauling that roused Adams and Hancock at about 4:30 in the morning, only half an hour before fighting broke out on Lexington Green. Unfortunately, history has no record of Revere’s reaction when he awoke the next day (presumably nursing a hangover) and was informed of what he’d done.

5. Indian Elephants Raid the Liquor Cabinet
No wonder they don’t sell beer at the circus. Apparently, elephants like to get wasted. In fact, an outpost of the Indian army in the jungle region of Bagdogra has been under attack ever since a local herd of elephants raided the base in search of food and discovered the soldiers’ entire winter rations of rum.
Since then, the pachyderms have regularly raided the base for a drink and have smashed down all defenses put up by the army, including electrified fences and firewalls.
According to The Daily Telegraph, “An officer recently posted there explained that the elephants broke the rum bottles by cleverly curling their trunks around the bottom. Then they empty the contents down their throats. They soon got drunk, he said, and swayed around. They enjoy themselves and then return to the jungle.”
This is by no means a singular incident, though. The animal kingdom is well-known for its ability to identify fruit that’s begun to ferment. Anthropologists even believe this is how early man discovered alcohol — by observing the strange behavior of animals on a fruit bender.

I think today is a day of change that will be long remembered.

Been a bit busy

Sorry for the lack of content, I've been running the roads and busy busy busy.

Imagine, multitasking while networking socially, Ping.fm is a one stop site.

The Nagging Wife

The Nagging Wife
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
Stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at
midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was
feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on. Too
shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up
the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of
execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and screamed,

'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

The 10 Commandments of Facebook

http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/09/10/the-10-commandments-of-facebook/

Follow the link and learn...

What with the election and all...

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,'
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed
old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize
but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year, the bells are not always audible.

Owen and Gerry make me laugh

These guys are on the Q quite a bit and they always make me smile, you can find them on youtube as well. They started out with Lobster Claw and followed it up with If I Caught a Million Lobsters.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=98748898

The high price of gas: burps, bloating, and flatulence

The high price of gas: burps, bloating, and flatulence
Celebrities do it. Babies do it, and so does your boss. Kings, queens, astronauts, your mom, and your grade one teacher do it. You do it. No matter how well-mannered or sophisticated you try to be, there's really no way to avoid belching or breaking wind from time to time.
Our bodies produce gas when we break down food. Our bodies also take in gas when we swallow air, especially when we chew gum, eat food quickly, or smoke. Once inside, it journeys through the digestive system. Your body absorbs most of the gas you swallow or produce and the remaining amount becomes burping, flatulence, or bloating.
"Beg your pardon": the basics of the burp
Whether it's a quiet, hiccup-like burp or a bellowing, rolling belch, burps are all due to the same thing: swallowed air. We swallow some air along with our food whenever we eat and gulp it down. And if we're having carbonated drinks, drinking through a straw, or socializing and chatting during a meal, even more air finds its way into our bellies.
The air that's in the stomach needs to escape, and as it rises up out of our insides, it rumbles and vibrates in the digestive tract, creating the unique and varied noises of a belch. Sometimes, the air can escape through the lower esophageal sphincter while eating, since this opens up while swallowing and releases the air from the stomach.
"Forgive me": the facts about flatulence
If swallowed air doesn't make its way out in the form of a burp, it may migrate from the stomach down into the colon. Here is where a burp can become a fart. Gas in the colon also comes from the natural breakdown of food by bacteria in the colon. The food that is not digested in the stomach and small intestine moves to the large intestine for breakdown; this includes carbohydrates such as undigested fibre from fruits and veggies or lactose after eating dairy products.
And as with a belch, flatulence needs to flee our body. This time it passes through a different sphincter, the anal sphincter, but the concept is the same: Air vibrates as it passes through a tiny, pinched up opening and out comes that familiar whoopee cushion sound of passing gas.
And that odour that most people are afraid of others detecting? That actually comes from the bacteria that break down the food in the colon. This bacteria release small amounts of sulphur-containing gases. Yes, the same "rotten-egg" sulphur of stink bomb fame.
"Time to loosen my belt": the nuts and bolts of the bloat
Bloating isn't something you hear or smell, but you will likely feel it. Bloating is the particular sensation of fullness and swelling caused by gas that builds up in the stomach and intestines. The bloating may cause some abdominal pain or discomfort, especially right after you eat. It can accompany burping or breaking wind or be caused by a medical condition that affects the digestive system. Those with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or lactose intolerance may experience frequent bloating.
Though gas is often to blame for that bloated feeling, it can also be caused by fluid retention. Women may experience this type of bloating before their menstrual period, but men can also retain fluid. Eating salty foods can also leave you feeling blown up. As excess sodium waits to leave your body through the kidneys, your body works to dilute it, causing the feeling of water-retention-related bloating.
How to lower the price of gas
You can't get rid of gas completely. You need it for healthy digestion. You can, however, reduce its buildup and its impact.
Slow down and savour. Go against the go-go-go of eating on the go. Instead, sit down to eat, take your time, opt for smaller bites, and chew your food thoroughly before you swallow. And though your dinner conversation may be quite sparkling and clever, the less you talk, the less air you're bound to swallow.
Know your trigger foods. Cruciferous green vegetables, like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, and cauliflower, are great for you. But if your body takes too long to break down and digest these rough, fibrous veggies, you may want to change the amount you eat. Because the amount of gas produced by food varies from person to person, find out which foods affect you the most and limit your intake to what you're comfortable with. Beans, carbonated beverages, and juicy fruits like apples and pears can also cause a gas crisis.
Figure out fibre. Fibre is a digestion ally but it's also a gas offender. It helps your body break down and digest the food you eat, reducing the risk of constipation which can lead to gas. However, because of the way that soluble fibre (oats, beans, fruits) is digested, it can cause gas on its own. Insoluble fibre, on the other hand, the kind found in vegetables and in wheat bran, produces little gas. Either way, add fibre to your diet gradually. Too much too quickly may lead to gas, abdominal bloating, and diarrhea.
Cut the cheese. And the milk and yogurt. Dairy products contain lactose, and some people have a hard time digesting this type of sugar. Undigested lactose can ferment in the intestines, a breeding ground for excess gas. Try eating lactose-containing products in small amounts, with other food, to help with digestion. There are also products available at the grocery store or pharmacy that help digest lactose.
Rule out other potential causes. Excessive gas can be a symptom of a more serious condition, including diverticulitis, ulcerative colitis, or Crohn's disease. Bloating can even be an early indication of ovarian cancer. Certain medications, including some diarrhea medications, can cause bloating, too. It is normal to pass gas 10 to 25 times a day but if you experience prolonged and excessive gas along with other symptoms, or gas is not relieved by diet or lifestyle changes, you should consider seeing the doctor.